Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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