If i come over, it means nothing
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
