4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
