dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
