thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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