proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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