jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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