Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
