My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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