I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
