Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
