Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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