I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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