let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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