btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
