Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
