Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
