Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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