Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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