she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
