I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
