Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
