i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this hospital has no fireball
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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