So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
