So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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