Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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