Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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