Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
