I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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