Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
