she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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