i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
