i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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