Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
