There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Couch. On fire.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
