it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
