I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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