Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
