Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
