I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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