did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
