Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
