Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
