im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
