i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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