I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
