Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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