So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
