There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize