The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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