so let's talk penis.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
