I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
