I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
