hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
