A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
