its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
