i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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