this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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