My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
